Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
