Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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