someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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