I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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