You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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