can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
