spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
