Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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