She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
