Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
