I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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