***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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