If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize