ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
