I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
