just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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