dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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