So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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