To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
