My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
