you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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