next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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