I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drake has all the answers
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
