the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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