So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
