i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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