id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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