I think im going to throw up on grandma
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
