Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
