Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
