I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
