cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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