I can text with my tongue
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
