It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize