so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
