Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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