First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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