11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
