Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
