Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize