Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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