a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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