he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
