is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
