You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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