i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
