I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
