he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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