The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
