Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
