erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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