I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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