I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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