70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
