hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
