Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
