i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
