The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
