Please, let me fuck your mom
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
