yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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