Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
