Having a random hookup so left but love u
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
