Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
