he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
