I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
