i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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