She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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