What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
