Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
