Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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