For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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